The Impending Apocalypse

Today is December 6, 2012, and we only have fifteen days to prepare for the Mayan prophecized end of mankind. I figure that there will still be a few stragglers left to roam the barren Earth, and fight for the remaining resources in a Mad Max fashion (you know what I mean--driving around in a hoopty covered in spikes with my scantly clothed punk rock wench with pink hair and so much eye-liner that she looks like a linebacker on gameday. Oh, and don't forget my loyal one-eyed companion who grunts all the time and refuses to tell the story of how he lost his eye instead just saying "I have a score to settle." It just so happens that he is an expert shot at long range with a sawed-off double barrel shotgun). So judging by my mad survival skills, I most likely will be one of those left to fight for what is ours. Pack only what you need, my friends, and let's take shelter in this cave I found. Don't worry, I've stocked it with plenty of food and water to last a few months.

There are many ways the world could end. With all the advances in DNA and medical research, I am predicting that a the government will release a synthetic virus that will turn much of the population into flesh eating zombies. By watching "The Walking Dead", I've learned there is no sense in trying to save someone who has already turned. There is no cure for zombiness. Shoot for the brain stem. Don't waste ammo shooting them in the chest. If you just happen to have a kitana, use it. Just don't let yourself get overwhelmed by the undead--that's how you get yourself bit. Another thing, if Carl can shoot his own mother to prevent her from turning, you sure as hell can shoot the creepy old man that peeks shadily through the blinds when children walk by. You can't save everyone. I am somewhat under-armed for this event. I have a 12 gauge skeet gun with 50 rounds and a shovel in the garage. So one of the first places I would recommend looting would be Bi-mart. Take all the ammo,weapons, camping gear, and canned food we can carry. Let's find somewhere high and secure to set-up.

I guess another possibility for the end of the world could be alien invasion...however I feel that we would win that battle. Aliens are pussies. Just sneeze on one and their whole population will die off in a matter of days. Hell, I know a couple girls that could just have sex with one of them to speed up the process--Just buy them a couple drinks and their skirts will be flipped up for some martian dong in a galactic gangbang. With the nasty shit they are carrying, the aliens would be wiped out within a few hours.

So let's say the aliens don't have the immune system of an AIDS patient...run to your local toy store and buy a Super-Soaker. Fill it up with water (any water will do, but "tainted" water from a little girl's phobia seems to work best), pump it up to optimum pressure, and spray the aliens with it. It will burn them, thus giving your loser has-been uncle a chance to beat them down with a baseball bat--Swing away Joaquin, Swing away. (Apparently farmers in Pennsylvania don't have guns, but are huge baseball fans). That will teach them gangily green assholes for coming into OUR house and making them circles out in our corn patches!

There are other things that could make us go the way of the dinosaurs--Asteroid striking the planet, nuclear war, the sun giving off a burp of radiation to boil away the oceans, or even Lindsey Lohan's STDs mutating from the constant alcohol and cocain abuse into an unstoppable gelatinous blob. The probable fact of the matter is, I will most likely awake in my bed on December 21st, take a shower, and go about my business in a zombie free society. No shooting lessons today, Carl.

Thanksgiving

My original idea for a post was to get belligerent on mimosas and write a story about Thanksgiving. I ultimately decided against that since we all know that it would have turned into a mess of penis or butthole pleasure jokes mixed with Urban Dictionary slang. Rather than that, here's a little thankfulness thrown at y'all.

As bad as it sounds, I am thankful that Monaco went bankrupt--not for the thousands of us that lost our jobs, but for the fact that it gave many of us new opportunities in life. It lit a fire under my ass to go back to school. Had it not been for Monaco going under, I most likely would still be working there--hanging out in my bay next to Wayne and Marty and then hitting up Outfitters with Dave for 50 cent tacos and shitty beer on Wednesday after work. I didn't think I could ever go back to school, but now I am so close to finally having a degree. I've always wanted it, but was scared of failing. I will have my degree in June. I've never felt so proud of myself for doing it. I am thankful that I will have the opportunity to pursuit a professional career now. 

I am thankful for my family. It was great to spend the last few summer home with them in Wyoming. I know I am not as close to them as I wish I was. I know I haven't always been there for them. I was always a dick to my brother and sister growing up. I have regrets for not being closer to them, but I am thankful they still love me. I am truly proud of my brother, David. He is good at his job, and passionate about the things he loves. I am glad he found Elisha. I am thankful that Sara and Mark have a beautiful and healthy little boy, Bret. He is an amazing nephew, and I look forward to watch him as he grows. I love you all.

My parents are great. Sometimes you don't realize it until you get older. My dad is the hardest working man I have ever met. He taught me a lot about hunting growing up. In fact, I truly believe my dad could compete with most of the hunting shows he watches. He's probably where I get my practical jokester skills from! My mom has always been happy-go-lucky and optimistic. She is always loving and tries to keep everyone in the loop. I love her for that.

I am thankful that I was able to spend so much time with my grandparents growing up. My grandma Hatch was the coolest--she still tells me the same jokes she told me when I was little. Grandma Neeley always made sure we were in line, and that my English homework was properly written. Although both of my grandfathers have passed, I still hold their memories dear--going to Jeep races with Grandpa, and to the cabin with Granddad. I am thankful for the memories.

I am thankful for my friends. I know I can be a pain in the ass at times, but they all stay with me. Ryan helped motivate me to leave Wyoming and to find myself. I will always be thankful for that. I had so many good times with Marc over the years, and look forward to seeing him in a few weeks. Ethan and Amy have some awesome 4 year-old twins, Aiden and Gracie. I was fortunate enough to be there early in their lives. They are great kids. My buddy, Junior, has always been a great buddy. He is one of the friends who I believe truly understands me. It's been great to make friends like Hance and Josh in the past few years. I know we will all be friends for a long time. Even all my newer friends from school hold a place in my heart. I am glad to have met you all, and look forward to strengthening our friendships.

Things may not go exactly as I would like them to, and I have my faults. However, I do realize how lucky I am to have you all and the opportunities that I have been given. Thank you all for being in my life. I love you all. I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving! Share love not only with all those in your life, but those who cross your path.

Ferme la Bouche

I've been back in Oregon for just over a week and a half now, and thought you all might like a little update on little ol' me. I've kind of been slacking on the blog, so I will try to write more regularly now that I am getting back into the swing of things.

I had a good summer in Wyoming. I was able to spend a lot of time with the family and meet my little nephew, Bret. Nothing too exciting happened this summer (besides Dad accidentally bear spraying my mom, aunts, and I--cough cough wheeze), but I did spend some time gold panning and antelope hunting with Dad and David, and going to the cabin with the parents. It was nice to be able to see them as much as I did this summer since it will be the last opportunity for me to do so once I finish school. I miss sitting around with them and the dogs during the evening while watching TV, doing crossword puzzles,  and covering our noses to Beth's doggy farts. Dad still thinks it's funny to put his feet on me (FYI: I hate feet!! Yick!), and tease me for regularly texting a certain special someone. It was all in good fun.

I worked on Rig 9 in the Elk Basin oil patch for the summer. I had spent a lot of time in Elk Basin growing up, and during my first tour of the fields in '98 on Rig 11. Honestly, I am surprised I made it some days. Our operator is one of the worst drivers I have ever had the privilege riding with. Just to be fair, he is from county 9 which is notorious for awful drivers, so bad driving is in his genes. There's nothing like driving a hundred miles an hour with a guy who is texting and telling stories with his hands the entire ride. I lost count of the wrecks we nearly caused. Anyways, we made it safely to location everyday, and worked our asses off in the blazing high desert heat. I have to say, I really do enjoy working the tubing deck latching pipe--I kind of turn it into a game or a competition against myself. I made some decent money in three months and managed to lose around twenty pounds. (now I just need to keep them off!) Overall, it was a good experience, and I had fun.

Now I am back in Oregon to finish my final year of school. I think this year will be a lot of fun. Reinforced Concrete has the potential to be a tough class (he only gives 4 A's out of a 100 grades), but the rest should be enjoyable. I am starting to look at jobs and career paths. I would really like to have a job lined up before graduation. I've also come up with a few goals for the rest of the year: Not drinking--sure a couple beers or a glass of wine is okay occasionally, but I really liked not drinking in Wyoming over the summer. I felt better without that haze. Secondly, I am going to work out regularly. It has taken me a long time to get back to the weight I am at--I need to maintain it. And lastly (I am finding my goals come in 3-packs), I want to relax and enjoy my last year of college. No stressing over silly things. No worrying about whether she loves me or not (Yes, falling in love is very important to me--it's honestly one of the most important things to me, but when I stress, it becomes my obsession. It's best that I just calm down and see where the ride takes us. If we fall in love, great! If not, someone is bound to come along.) No worrying about what I'll be doing next year--I'll cross that bridge when I get there. I want to share many smiles and laughs with those close to me, so someone tell me a funny, haha joke! So, to my friends and family--Thank you for the support you have given me over the years despite my awesome ability to be an occasional pain in the ass. I've had a lot of inspiration in one way or another from you all. I love you all, and look forward to sharing more experiences.

Spiritually Speaking

There are special moments in my life where I feel overly content and at peace with the world--at peace with myself. Even if these moments only last a few minutes, they put life into a different light that would have otherwise been missed. I am not really sure how to explain these moments. They are somewhere between awe and humbleness. They may seem simple, but moments like this have a significant place in my memory.

I remember as a kid, going to the cabin every summer with Granddad and Grandma. It was and is one of my favorite places in the world. As I grew older, I started seeing the larger parts to life than just school and playing. There would be work and mortgages and car payments and so on. I noticed how other people's lifestyles differed from my own. I started to ponder how the world was. 

Okay, back to the cabin. There is this large rock in the Clark's Fork River down the path directly behind Doc's cabin next door. It was just a few feet into the water, and was large enough for me to sit on. I sat there thinking and listening to the water rush around me. I watched the water swirl behind the rock catching a leaf to spin around only to spit it back out into the current. My only company was the occasional trout jumping to catch a bug on the water. I was at peace. My mind was clear. It was only me and nature. It was almost like I was on a native vision quest. God sent me there to see the world in a different light. I sat there for a half-hour or so, when I heard Grandma Neeley yell it was time for dinner. I left my rock.

I was an avid runner back in high school and through my first few years after graduation. I would run miles upon miles. I loved to run. Surprisingly, when I moved to Oregon, and Eugene aka "Track Town USA", I lost my drive to run. 

It wasn't long after I had moved to Oregon. It was raining pretty hard that day. I had always loved to run in the rain. There is something cool and refreshing about it. We lived on 30th and Willamette which wasn't far from Amazon Park, so I went for an early morning run on the wood chip paths there. I ran around the park for few miles, and then to the 18th street Starbucks where my friend Ryan worked. I hung out there for a few minutes chatting with him and a girl named Lisa before heading back to the apartment. It was still fairly dark out and I was soaked when I arrived home. I sat in the stairwell to stretch and catch my breath. At that moment, I felt at peace. I was still having a hard time getting over my ex-girlfriend and mending my broken heart. I was scared shitless of being in a new city and not knowing anyone or where anything was. But, for that short time, I was able to clear my mind. I sat there humbled, and I knew everything would be alright. I even said a prayer thanking God for that moment. 

I have had other moments like that I could ramble over-- Anywhere from sitting at the ocean, going for a drive in the country, laying on my back watching the stars or some clouds pass, and at church. There were points when I was going to church at the Faith Center in Eugene, where I could sense God. Like he had a hand on me. Honestly, there are a lot of times where I blame God for my own short comings. It has been a tense relationship at times, and we didn't speak for quite a while. I've built myself up many times to get knocked back down. Maybe it was God calling me out and needing to knock me down a peg, but most likely it was just me sabotaging myself. Who knows. What I do know, is I want to feel his hand on me again. I want to feel at peace with the world. 

Songs and Memories

Okay, so I meant for my last post to be semi-romantic and inspirational to myself, but it wasn't so much. Josh requested that I write one that was more for his entertainment, so I will try to say "penis" or something in this post.

When I work, I think. Well, today I was helping my dad clean out the ditches from the tit-tall grass that has overtaken. I started thinking of songs and memories. I have always been amazed how a song or a band can be tied to a person, place, or event. There are bands I love just because it reminds me of a certain time in life, and there are others I dislike because it reminds me of a person.

I remember going to work with my Grandpa Hatch to check on the sulfur docks when I was a kid. There is a little shack by the railroad tracks just outside of Powell where we stopped so Grandpa could check on everything. I remember him telling me to watch out for rattlesnakes. I was just excited that we saw some rabbits that had gotten into the building. Later, as we drove by the Homesteader Park baseball fields, Kathy Mattea's "Ball and Chain" and later on that trip Randy Travis's "On the Other Hand" played. I've always tied those songs to my grandpa.

I remember going pheasant hunting with Dad and David over at Yellowtail. We always leave to go hunting well before the butt-crack of dawn. In between sleep and staring at the stars I recall hearing a "Heart Like a Wheel" and "Broken Arrow" songs on the radio. I had them alternatingly stuck in my head all day as we parked below the old corrals (before they closed the road to traffic). I still remember taking pictures with David in our camo by an old cottonwood tree.

Smashing Pumpkin's "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" with Niederhauser and Casey at a wrestling meet in Thermopolis in high school. Ryan introducing me to Bush on our way back from the Jackson Hole cross-country trip--I couldn't get enough of "Come Down". In fact, it is still one of my favorite songs. I had to buy The Wallflowers at state track my senior year. I listened to the CD the whole way home from Casper.

I had an ex-girlfriend from years ago. I remember driving in my old Hyundai Elantra with Ryan and Kix. It was early in our relationship and we were listening to the newest (at the time) Offspring album. When the song came on that whose lyrics states "My friend has a girlfriend and he hates that bitch....", my ex said, "Wow, that's real nice." I just laughed. She was my first love and she loved Metallica. I still can't figure out why she thought Lars Ulrich was hot. Anyways, after we broke up, I hated Metallica.

When I moved to Oregon, there were two songs that I heard over and over again on the radio. "Better Man" by Pearl Jam and "Hemorrhage" by Fuel. It was a huge change for me. These songs still remind me of the significance of the move to Oregon.

I could go on and on about what songs remind me of what. I hope all of you have songs that bring you joy just by the memory it holds.


Oh, yeah, "penis"

I Dream...

Well, I got off from work early today, so I thought I would take the time to blog a wee little bit (take the term "wee" loosely, I tend to ramble once I get started so bear with me).

As you all know, I am a hopeless romantic. (I am pretty sure a few of my other blogs started out with that exact same sentence.  I guess I wanted to make you all truly understand how hopeless of a romantic I am.) My dreams are nearly Shakespearean. Not so much the tragic comedy, but the love story behind it. The daydreams of my youth are no more (since it is highly unlikely that I will become an Olympic runner or work for NASA's space program). Falling in love and being loved has long been a desire of mine (hence the reason I write about it). I now daydream of being in a loving relationship and having a family with the woman of my dreams.

I have an idea in my head how I want my relationship to be with the love of my life. I've even thought of all the flaws and obstacles that a relationship must go through. Strange to dream of the hardships of a relationship?? To me, it's not strange at all. Hardships are part of being in a relationship. They make the relationship stronger--if you truly love each other that is.


I long to fall in love. I long for her to love me back. I will forget about all other women, and she will forget all other men. I want her to think about me when we are apart. I want her to long for my touch. I want her to call just to hear my voice. I want to laugh with her, and cry with her. I want us to fight, just so we can make-up later. I want to kiss her and make love to her. I want her to know that I will always be there for her through thick and thin. I want her to know that I will do anything to please her. 

I dream of marriage, and coming home from work to our children playing and running to the door to greet me. My wife runs up and kisses me with a smile. I would do anything to make her smile. In our home, there will be plenty of hugs, kisses, and "I love you"'s everyday. Knowing all my wife's little quirks will only make me love her more. There will be nothing we can't accomplish as long as we are together. Our love will last forever. On our deathbeds we will still gaze at one another with the same love.

A life without love is no life at all. I hope true love finds me soon. I am a dreamer and will continue to dream of you, my love.

This term is sucking a fat one...

I've slept 3 hours in the last two days, I just got done blowing a midterm, and now, I just feel like being a prissy little bitch. So be prepared for some whiny bitchiness and self-loathing.

School is kicking my ass this term. I have no clue what is going on in two of my classes. All I have gotten from my hydrology class is a notepad full of scribbles, and how to say "I show you, Guys." and " I erase now" with a Peruvian accent. My soil mechanic's class is a load of complex equations with a dozen variables about dirt. Who could have guessed that dirt could be so complex. I hate dirt so much now, that I am considering volunteering to live in space. But on the bright side, at least I get to work with a couple pretty girls on a few of the four projects I have going on. 

I've been trying to figure out what the hell I am going to do this summer for work. The internships I was trying to get were cancelled due to budget cuts. It's looking like I will be working on the oil rigs in Wyoming again this summer. It's good money at least...Fuck, maybe I can finally get my Jeep paid off. I do miss the Oregon summers, though. Summers are amazing here, but people here are driving me nuts at the moment. Little stupid shit is getting on my nerves, lately. It makes me want to scream "Will you shut the fuck up!!" Slight tangent from thought there.....Anyways, at least it will be nice spending time with the family. I know Dad has a bunch of projects he wants done. I am more than glad to help out.

I have a shit ton of things on my mind. I try to sleep and all I can do is think about things. What am I doing?? Where am I gonna be when I graduate?? Will I even have a job?? Should I keep pursuing her....or her...or who ever is next in line??? I thought I had something going on with an old friend, but apparently I was mistaken. That seems to be a common trend at the moment. Reconnect with old friends, think we have a romantic connection, and then, it goes no where or they find someone new. I am fucking tired of putting out an effort when no effort is given in return. I am tired of wasting my time. I'm tired of people coming into my life and just to disappear over night. Jesus Christ, if you're not into me, just fucking tell me. I don't like this getting led-on bullshit. I've never been one to leave well-enough alone, so I'm sure I'll go trying to make something out of nothing. I'm always trying to turn shit into gold. 

I guess the hardest thing for me is missing the closeness to being in a relationship. I miss having someone who is there for me when I've had a bad day. I miss someone who wants to spend her time with me. I miss hearing "I love you". It's almost like I'm missing something that isn't there....I am constantly longing for love. It consumes my thoughts, my dreams, my words....it consumes me.

It's been a month

Wow, I just realized it's been a month since my last post. Not so much that I am slacking, but I have been crazy busy with school. This has definitely been the hardest term I have had. Along with everything else, it has been wearing on me. Despite the sunny weather, I am feeling down today. Sooooooo, Blog, fulfill your purpose....

I guess to start off, as with every other blog I write, I am lonely as fuck. I have been single for some time now. I am 33, never married, and no kids. It's not for lack of trying, that's for sure. Everyone I could be interested either isn't into me, or they have some other excuse. I met someone a while back that was my ideal, but it didn't pan out. I meet someone, feel close to them, and they disappear. It's the story of my life.

I've been dwelling on some things the last couple days, and once I start dwelling on one thing, it segways into every other thing you can imagine. I need to get some things off my chest. Maybe if I do, they will go away. Dang, I hope my mom doesn't read this one. If so, sorry Mom.

Years ago, when I was in car sales, I slept with a coworker's wife. They we going through a divorce at the time, but I still felt horrible. I swore I would never do something like that....Yet I did it. It wasn't even a one time fling...it went on for months. I used to sext her while talking to her husband. She talked to him on the phone while we were having sex once. He jerked off to the scent of my cologne on her. Fucked up, right?? I started out as friends with her husband. The guy was one of the most manipulative people I have ever met. He stole a lot of money from me. Maybe that is why I justified sleeping with his wife. Regardless of how I look at it, it was wrong. I regret it. I still don't know why I did what I did. Maybe I was just tired of being nice and getting walked on. Who knows.

You all know my desire to be in a love and to be a father. A few years ago, I thought I accomplished one of those things. There was a little girl named Alaura...and for a short while, she was my daughter. I ran into her mother after a couple years of lost contact where I was informed that I may be the father. I remember the nights that we hooked up. I know we used a condom. And I remember the condom tearing the first time we had sex. It was completely plausible that Alaura was my daughter.

I started spending time with Alaura while we waited on the paternity test to come back. To be honest, I fell in love with that little girl. She was nearly 3 years old. From the moment I met her, I couldn't keep her off my lap. If I set her down, she would say "No Papa!", and jump back into my lap. Being me, I naturally felt that this was a sign that she was my daughter. Illogical as it was, I could see parts of her that looked like me. All I could think about was being the best dad that she could ever have.

So many scenarios played through my head. Should I stay in school or would I be better off finding a dead end job to support her?? Should I fight for custody, or should I let her mom have her??? All I knew for sure is that I wanted her to have the best life possible, and I was willing to do whatever it took. After a few months of playing dad, we finally got the paternity test done...There was only a 2% chance that she was mine. I felt crushed. Not only for me, but for her too. She deserved a daddy. Her mom still wanted me to adopt her. Hell, I wanted to adopt her. I just couldn't. As heart breaking as it was for me, I had to walk away...hoping and praying for the best for her.

You've all heard me rant about my bad luck with dating over and over again. Honestly, it is the one thing that affects so many of my life's decisions. I would go anywhere for love. I would give up so much for love. Hell, I'd do anything for love. (Now I have Meatloaf stuck in my head.) I have no clue what's going on with the most recent girl in my life. We've been friends for years, but it seems like she isn't really into me now. The girl before her, I could have found myself falling for. She was a "I could see myself spending the rest of my life with" kind of girl. The girl before her was just plain ol' batshit crazy.......and kind of boring. The girl before that..... Hell, I could go on for days about ex-flings and love interests. The fact of the matter is, there has got to be something wrong with me. Clearly there is something wrong. I go through chicks like Netflix. No one ever stays around long.

It's not so much that I am a bad guy or hate myself. I am a great guy. I try my best to be respectful and kind to everyone. I've always been hard on myself. What bothers me...I just do and say some stupid shit. I don't know why. Sometimes I let my emotions get the best of me, or just try to hard to be funny. It's what I do. If you are my true friend, thank you for accepting me for who I am. If you love me, there is a good chance I love you too. I long to be loved and love. Please don't keep me waiting much longer.

Title-Free Since a Quarter Til 3

I just read an article the other day about people being happiest at the age of 33. For the love of God, I hope it's true. 33 hasn't been bad so far, but nothing life changing or mind blowing or even truly exciting has happened to make me believe that age 33 will be my happiest year. In fact, nothing has gone the way I have planned what-so-ever. It's still too early in my year 33 career to be pessimistic, so we will see what happens as the year progresses.

If you have been around me recently, it may be safe to say that you've noticed that I have been stressed-the-fuck-out. I have a shit ton of things on my mind. School, money, work, women, feeling lonely--just name it, and it has probably been on my mind.

It's just the beginning of Spring term and I feel like I've had a good ol' fashion skull-fucking for the last two weeks of class. If my brain had an anus, my soil mechanics class would be jack-hammering it lubeless while slapping my face and asking me "How do you like that, Bitch??". Toss my hydrology and environmental engineering classes and we have ourselves one hell of an orgy--and I am talking the "sick shit you can only find on the internet" kinda orgy. I am so beyond lost in my soils class right now. I know what you all are thinking--"how complicated can dirt be??". Well, I tell you my friends, dirt is a cluster fuck of Mohr's Circles, effective shears, normal shears, sigmas, taus, and consolidated petrified dino poop. I just can't wrap my mind around it. I don't learn from Powerpoint presentations. I need to actually see how these things work. Alas, there is no courtesy reach-around in the world of soil mechanics.

I have been trying to figure out what I am going to be doing this summer for work. I have been applying for internships, but nothing has yet to pan out. It is getting to the time of year when my savings have dwindled to the point where it will be time to start living on Ramen noodles. Since I have yet to find a job, it is starting to look like I may have to do the oil rig thing again. Sure, it would be nice to be able to spend the summer with my family in Wyoming, and I'd make a shit ton of money, but I would like to find a job within my field and stay for the beautiful Oregon summer. I guess I still have a couple months to figure it out, but I like to have things planned ahead of time.

Well, I pretty much covered everything except my typical woman speel. So, my love life is still at the same point as it was last time. Whenever one goes away, I find another. I have a new interest right now. I've been friends with her for a long time. We had a great date last weekend, and I am hoping to spend more time with her in the near future. I am not sure what to expect or even to hope for. I don't want to get my hopes up again, just to get knocked back down. I have no clue what is in store for me, but I will take it as it comes.

Nuffa Dat Shit

I've been on a dating website or two for awhile now, and it is officially time to call it quits. I can't say I haven't had any luck, but the ones I want--I can't have and the ones I don't want--are the ones I get. After repeated emails from creatures from the abyss  and beasts from the underworld, along with a few of my own misfortunes, I am deleting my online dating accounts. I always thought online dating was stupid anyways. I would much rather meet someone in person rather than being the "1 in 5 relationships" started on eHarmony and such. It's hard to get the feel for a person until you see how they carry themselves. Sure, I've met a few people of interest on POF, been on some dates, and disappointedly reconnected with some people on Match, but for the most part, it has been a discouraging endeavour.

Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, I know I am not perfect, but do I come off as a guy of extremely low standards?? Maybe if people actually read what I had to say--if they can even read at all, they would have realized that we have no chance what-so-ever.  I have the sense to stop if I ever catch myself looking out of my range or league--I am not so low that I am gonna creep on some 18-year-olds.

I literally had a 72-year old lady dressed in a mini jean skirt and sports bra write me several time despite the fact I never wrote her back. She tells me about herself and asks me if she is too old for me. Fuck lady, you are twice my age. If you would have read my profile, you would have seen "WANTS kids"! At your age, I am sure your uteral cavity has been dried out like a piece of pemmican for quite some time now.  Besides gold diggers and sugar mama/daddies, does any self respecting person ever really date within that large of an age range?? Frankly, I think it's pretty nasty.

So besides that, I've had a shit-ton of morbidly obese and/or bat shit crazy girls write me telling me about their five kids with five different daddies, and wanting a man that can take care of them. Sorry, but that man is not me.

Seriously, I am just fed up with dating. I don't even want to think about it anymore. If someone special comes along--great! If not, fuck it--I'll get a cat or something. I am not saying everyone online are bad people, and I believe that everyone deserves to be loved and in love--BUT it has to be to the right person. If she is out there, I hope she stands out, because I am done with the hunt.

Thanks For The Mess

Winter term is over and spring is in the air (with the exception of the 5 inches of snow we received a few days ago). Spring break has officially begun. I have this whole big house to myself (wait, that's not entirely true--I have Lilly the bulldog to keep me company), and nothing to do..........

"Nothing to do", I say??? After a quick glance to the previous paragraph, I do believe I said "nothing to do." Well, I could go for a jog. Or for a drive to Bend, Eugene, or the coast. But alas, I am not going anywhere until this house is CLEAN! 

There are a lot things that I enjoy about my roommates, and there are other things that I loathe. I hate, hate, hate cleaning up after people. Everyone has their weird little quirks. One of mine is that I can't stand dirty dishes and half eaten food laying around the house, or when the sink is full of dirty dishes and scrap food. We clearly do NOT have a garbage disposal, so why would anyone throw their apple core or pizza crusts into the sink? Do we have an apple core eating alligator living in our sink or something?? I have yet to figure it out myself. I just thought it was common sense to throw shit into the garbage. I am amazed that the ones who make the largest messes at our house are the ones that clean the least. 

It's one thing when we all make a mess together. It is OUR mess, and I am more than willing to clean up after that. What really gets me though, is the separating orange and yellow mess sitting in the blender on the kitchen counter, and the shit ton of dishes. I thought about just leaving them until everyone gets home, but I am too OCD for that. 

The other main quirk that I have, is garbage. It drives me nuts when there is garbage laying on the table or on the floor or in the living room or the half eaten can of pineapple on the coffee table. The garbage in our kitchen is clearly full, so I am going to just set my garbage on top of everything else. Don't worry y'all, Mike or Josh will take the garbage out when they finally get annoyed enough. Wait??--Is there no room on top of the garbage for more of MY garbage?? I guess I will just throw it in the recycling or on the floor. And don't even get me started on the vileness of our bathroom garbage. I will refrain from those stories to prevent any severe embarrassment. 

I guess what I am getting at, my roommates are great, but Goddamn, have some common courtesy and clean up after yourselves. 

Missed Connections

So, I was checking out the "Missed Connections" tab on Craigslist the other day. Some of them are pretty strange--I wonder how many people actually respond to those ads. Either it is true desperation to find someone in their past or maybe they really did miss a chance encounter with someone. After reading them, it got me thinking of some potentially inappropriate yet funny (funny to me that is) ads to post on CL.....

"Hot girl in the pharmacy" m4w, OSU

I saw you in the school pharmacy on Tuesday. You looked cute sitting there shaking your foot anxiously while waiting for your Plan B pills. I like a girl who has her priorities straight. We should hang out sometime.


"Transgender Barista at Corpus Coffee" m4t, Portland

I've never done this before, and you will probably never see this, but I couldn't help but check you out. The only thing hotter than the coffee was the chick with the dick. Start a fetish together?


"Jake from a few years past" w4m, Boise

You've probably forgotten me by now, but we met at Rob's Tavern a in June, 2009. After a night of drunken love making, you left without saying good-bye. I should have told you sooner, but I am pretty sure my son is yours--actually both my sons. I had twins. By my calculations, you owe me 3 years worth of child support and doctor costs. Oh, and I have herpes. You may want to get yourself checked out.


"To the driver of a white Honda Civic" w4wm, Costco

You left your lights on.


"I luv U!" w4m, Corvallis

My lil thug, U r da best bf a gurl culd ask 4. I luv u more den my pappy. U r my daddy now. Spanxy


Sooo, if you have made it to this point of my post, I have no pity on you. You should have had the sense to stop reading this before it got this far. Okay, none of those are real, but essentially the kind of crap shoot ads you will find on CL. You should check them out--it will make your lives feel a little less crazy!

I am a one tusked walrus.

I feel like I lost something that was never there. This has been a weird month for me. A girl I let go came back into my life saying she made a mistake and never really gave me a chance. Now she's gone again. It's alright though...I don't think I could deal with her. Too noncommittal, non-communicative, and wishy-washy. I want someone who wants to spend time with me--not feel obligated to be with me.

I met an amazing woman a couple months ago who I feel a great connection with, even if it is solely as friends. Realistically, chances of us ever having a relationship together was pretty slim due to the distance between us, but I daydreamed about her regardless. We went from talking all the time, to not really saying much. I feel like I am losing her now too.

I think I really need to sit back and reflect on who I am and where I am. Other than school, I am not sure where I am going in my life at this moment. I need to not worry so much about finding "the one" and just concentrate on making myself better.

Front Butts Drive Me Nuts.

I know you all have been waiting for me to write something crude and vile. I was considering writing about how my testicles look like two adolescent hamsters snuggled up in a nest of dark curly warmth or how a vagina looks like the leftover rubber from a popped balloon. Alas, I decided to go with another topic that I am sure you all will enjoy. It may start off a little crude, but I assure you I have a point to all this. Fuck, It's like my blog is turning into a P.S.A. or one of those lessons from the old G.I. Joe cartoons.

So, without much ado, here's the slightly more disgusting sibling of the muffin-top.....the front butt and friends. For those of you who don't know what a front butt is, it's when a person gets a roll of fat at the bottom of their bellies, that, when tucked into their pants, resembles a second ass on the front of them. I know you all are thinking "Wow Mike! That's two asses for the price of one! That's a great deal for an ass-man like yourself." Well my friends, that is certainly not the case. The title may have been a little misleading. Front butts do drive me nuts--just not in the wolf howling at Jessica Rabbit kind of way. It's more of a "holy shit!" kind of way. I have never really understood how someone goes about getting a front butt, or for that matter--even become morbidly obese.  It can't be for high self-esteem. (Well, maybe in some Maury Povich kind of cases).

The front butt runs with a pretty unfortunate crowd-- the awkward, the humpback, the beak nose, and who can forget the twins, acne and backne. I see people people all over the place that make me think to myself "damn, that is one homely and unfortunate looking person." There is a girl in many of my classes that surely fits into this category. She is not much to look at, and she has this shrill, whiny voice that almost always makes me cringe. She occasionally awkwardly tries to talk to me and others in the class. She's the butt of many inside jokes (admittedly, some of my own). She is basically the oddball out in our class. I feel bad for her.

This is where I start getting to my point. There have been times when I feel awful for something I have thought about someone. I look at some people and see them for their physical discrepancies. I see their insecurities and awkwardness. BUT, does it make them any less human? Are they any less successful? Does it make them any less capable of finding and being in love? There are a lot of good people out there that people just can't see for who they really are. There is more than a body to a person. I've always said I treat everyone with respect and kindness, but do I really? I need to check myself out. I have plenty of issues. I am awkward. I have plenty of insecurities--my finger, my toe, my grey hair, the way I walk, etc. Do I want people to judge me for those things? No I don't. Nor should I judge others for theirs. I should strive to be a better person. I should view everyone as equals. I want to do my best to stop noticing people's flaws and start noticing their strengths. Treat people as you want to be treated.

Uncertain Future

I need a break from the uncertainty in my life. Every once and while I need a change. Even if it's a small change, it's a change none the less. I rearranged my bedroom for a sense of difference. I dropped someone who was bringing me down. I took a different route to class today. Sometimes simple things can make a huge difference in your perception of life. My life is preparing for some major change in the next couple years.

It's exciting for me to think about my future, but it also scares me shitless. Things have rarely worked out as I have planned or wanted. I got stuck in a rut thinking that it will always be this way for me. I just needed to break the monotony and mediocrity that has always plagued me. I've realized that it is me and me alone who can break the cycle.

It's too bad I can't predict my future. As much as I love chaos, it bugs me not knowing where I am gonna be and what I am going to be doing when I graduate from OSU next year. It will be a completely new experience for me. Before, I have only worked dead end jobs, and haven't really accomplished much. Sure, I worked my ass off at those jobs, but it was never going to get me anywhere. Now, however, I will have a chance at a real professional career. It's what I always wanted, but never knew how to do it. Each passing day it becomes closer to reality. It is an exciting experience for me. I have recently found a few fields within civil engineering that I feel I could enjoy and be successful in. There are also a few firms that I would love to work for. I really don't know where I will go from here, but I do know it's better than where I was headed. 

I don't want to play anymore.

Believe it or not I planned on writing something else when I started this blog, but I have a feeling that it is just kind of going to snow-ball into a plethora of randomness and who-knows-what. So let's begin, shall we...

There's always a fat kid with a ton of heart on the basketball team that continues to play no matter how exhausted he get. Even when they're down 30 points, and they haven't won a game all season, he keeps going until he can finally go no further. There is a point where he just stops and says "I don't want to play anymore." It's not the fact that he feels like he's failed--he has plenty of other talents. It's not even that he wants to give up, he just realizes there is a point when he's fighting a losing battle. Well, that is my newest metaphor for dating.

I don't want to play anymore. I've said it before, but I absolutely hate the dating game (and no, I am not talking about the t.v. game show). I try and I try to succeed at it. I keep coming back to it thinking that this is going to be my time to shine. Well, this is me quitting the game. 

I want my ONE and ONLY, and I want someone who wants me as HER one and only. I want a woman (and yes, I mean woman--not girls. Girls play games, women are for real) who wants to spend HER time with me. I want hear our laughter and see our smiles when we are TOGETHER. It's what love and relationships are-- going for walks, talking about our days and future and dreams-- NONE of this shopping around until someone else comes along or "keeping my options open" bullshit. Oh, we all know how the "Grass is always greener..." always works out (yes, I mean that in a sarcastic smart ass kind of way). In fact, I had a friend tell me that earlier today. She tried to keep three guys around at any given time so if one lets her down, she can call the other. I've heard other people say it before (both guys and girls), so I am sure it is a fairly common occurrence. To be honest, it infuriates me. I've been the other guy before, and it's not a good feeling. It's heart-breaking enough when she chooses someone else over you. Dragging someone along while you're "shopping" just adds insult to injury to one's heart. If you don't want to be with someone, let them go--it's heartless to drag them along when you know damned well how they feel about you. I know I sure as hell don't want to get my heart broke again.

That get's to my next game I can't stand, and nor will I play. Why do people think it's cute to play stupid and naive? Really? I know little kids that love to play the "Iiiiii don't know ;) (that semi-colon parenthesis winking smiley thing is representative as a cutesy smile of a little kid biting their finger cartoonishly while saying "I don't know")" game, but most people I know grew out of it when they graduated the fifth grade. 

And, FINALLY, I am tired of being around people that bring me down. It's almost as bad as dating. Like I've said, I'm nowhere close to perfect, but do treat everyone with respect and kindness. I refuse to associate myself with people who are constantly degrading others. Really, do you feel better about yourself because your punk ass treats a less fortunate person like they are worthless?? Or that you can be rude to the lady who works at Walmart or 7-11?? You're just another asshole who can only be respected by other assholes who drip to your level. You might as well collect a bunch of teddy bears and dolls since they will be about the only ones who truly respect you.

Moral of the randomness: treat people with kindness and respect. Love and be loved.

Damn this bum leg

Actually this has nothing to do with my legs. Nor does it have anything to do with a bum's legs either. In fact, this is probably the last time you hear "leg" or "bum" in this post. I am not even really sure what I am writing about in this post. It may be safe to assume that it could become a rather nasty rant considering I am running on an hour's sleep in the past 24 hours. So, yeah, I'm feeling a little testy.

I always over-think everything. I get frustrated when things aren't going the way I planned. I just want one thing to work out for once. Is that too much to ask?? Fuck it gets frustrating getting so close to fulfilling my desires and dreams, yet always falling short. I don't know what to do with myself, but what I am doing clearly is not working. Actually, this rant is getting a little redundant....maybe it would be better off if I just left this one at "fuck it."

33

Wow. I am 33 years old. Well, technically not for another 12 and a half hours, but I rounded to two significant figures, thus making me 33. My lucky number is 3, and my age has two 3's in it, so in theory, this age should be twice as lucky for me. Or would it be 11 times as lucky?? Mmm, I guess we will just have to wait and see what the year has in store for me.

I remember my parents being my current age--I would have been 12. At 33, my parents had three kids, married for thirteen years, and were in the process of buying a house. I figured I would have at least some of that by now. I don't. BUT, I am hopeful that I will in the near future.

I've had a ton of opportunities and experiences in my adult life. Some worked out great for me, while others not so good. I started my adult life not having a clue what I wanted in life. All I knew is that I wanted to go to college and run track and cross-country. Alas, I stayed at Northwest College for a few years, worked on the oil rigs for awhile, and lost track of my dreams of running in college.

Not all was bad from this. I met my first love. Had my first real broken heart, so I did what any logical 21 year-old would do--I left all I had ever known in Wyoming and moved to Oregon. After a long talk with my friend Ryan and his sister Renee, I decided that moving to Oregon was best for me. Even if I failed miserably, at least I tried something new. It was the single hardest, yet the best thing I have ever accomplished. Sure, I miss my family, but I knew it was something I needed to do. I packed up my green Jeep, and left for Eugene. With each passing mile I would think to myself "it's not too late to turn around". It's about when I reached Bend, Oregon that I realized that I was past the point of no return. I was scared shitless.

Moving from super-conservative Wyoming to super-liberal Oregon was definitely culture shock for me. The change was an exciting experience for me. Everything was new. I was experiencing a sense of independence. I made some great friends, saw the ocean, and found out that I love college football!

I planned on getting my residence so I could go right back to school, but alas, I started making some pretty decent money at Monaco Coach. I worked there for around seven years (with a short period of 7 months that I tried car sales--big mistake on my part, but that's part of life). I finally found my drive to go back to school when Monaco went bankrupt. It was a shitty situation for many of us. Many are still struggling to make ends meet. Monaco always held me back. It was too convenient for me to stay. I just allowed my life to get stuck in a standstill of mediocrity. The day they told us we were getting laid-off, I went to LCC and signed up for classes. I've been at it ever since. It made me have dreams and goals of success again.

I know I've made my share of mistakes in my 33 years, and one thing I have come to realize, is that you can't hold anyone responsible for your actions but yourself. There have been times when I've tried to put the blame on others, but it's always been my own damned fault. Regardless of the mistakes I've made, I still have great friends and family who love me. Thank you all for all the times we've shared over the years--both good and bad. I look forward to sharing future experiences and relationships with you all in the my next 33 years. Love you all.

This strange life

Life never ceases to amaze me. You've all heard the term "whenever one door closes another one opens". Well, I don't know if that is entirely true. There have been many points in my life where all the doors have been open at the same time leaving me to ponder the many schemes of my future. Other times, there simple aren't any doors to open. It's all or nothing. I guess this just pertains to certain aspects of life at any given time. At one moment, you can be getting a hundred different job offers, and the next, you could be getting laid off on unemployment with no job prospects at all. You could spend years alone, but in one second you could have a few love interests. Opportunity changes like the weather. That's why it is so important to take advantage of the opportunities that come your way. There is no guarantee that another door will open for you.

Holy Weirdness

I had some crazy dreams last night. The ones where you live a whole other dream in between hitting the snooze button on your alarm clock. They were the kind that feel so real that you still feel your heart racing when you wake up. I can't even remember most details, so I am not even sure if it was even a bad dream. I just know it wasn't the type of dream where you and Scooby-Doo are ghost hunting in a candy factory in Kansas while Elmer Fudd, Megatron, and Neo from the Matrix battle it out for the prize in a Cracker Jack box. Ok, I've never had that dream, but if I did, I sure the hell would have checked myself into the Johnson Unit. Anyway, I don't remember much, but I do I know it made my day start off little rough. At least my grumpiness (maybe distress is a better word) didn't last, and by the end of the day, I was back to my joking, happy-go-lucky ass (as my buddy Jonah used to call me).

Do you ever have those dreams where people from your past show up despite having not seen them in years? They always look the same as they did when you last saw them. I think one of those dreams happened last night. I am pretty sure that both Grandpa and Granddad were there. Both healthy and active like they used to be. Grandpa racing his Jeep and playing in the mud, while Granddad was cutting grass on his riding lawnmower. It's funny how little memories pop up in your sleep. I think it made me miss them. I spent a lot of time with both of them growing up. Spending the summers at the cabin and playing in the river. Going to Jeep Rallies, hunting, and fishing. Looking back, they both played a major part in who I am today. I've had some regrets for not spending more time with them before they died. I do know that their memories and lessons will live on in me. 

Alarm. Snooze.

After that, all I really remember was this beautiful brown haired woman trying to give me a message written out in pebbles in the sand. I remember her telling me something important (although I can't remember what it was now). I faintly remember holding her hand, kissing her forehead, and telling her that everything was going to be just fine. One last glance into her eyes....And then my alarm went off again. I remember feeling sadness. Maybe it was actually a good dream that I had. Maybe the reason I was pissed off because I had to wake back up to reality. 

I believe that your dreams are your mind's way of playing out the things that matter most to you--your memories, hopes, desires, and fears. It would be wild if there was a way to record your dreams so you can watch them like a home movie while eating popcorn during your consciousness. Maybe, some dreams are best to forget.

My Friend Gym

So I've recently been reintroduced to an old friend of mine...the gym. I've always loved working out, but for some reason it is so damn hard to go at times. I always feel so much better after a good work out (other than it's kind of embarrassing how much I can lift right now compared to a few years ago! You know what they say "if you don't use it, you lose it.") There is a sense of accomplishment that you feel from working out. It's amazing how much my confidence sky rockets when I've been lifting for a few months. I need to get back on it.

I remember back in the day when I ran everyday and dreamed of being an Olympic athlete. I was never really that fast, but I always pushed myself to my limit. There was a point where running was my life. (I still have a bit of an addiction to running shoes). I loved the thrill of competing. Even if I lost, I took pride in the fact that I tried. There was nothing that compares to trail running! I remember the times running with Ryan or Coach Boos in the McCullough Peaks or on Heart Mountain in Wyoming--it was like we were combining running with the rugged nature and incredible views. Their were the countless times we ran Airport Hill or the times I ran in the country by my parent's house (how many places can you run where you see antelope and teepee rings along the trail--I even stepped on a rattlesnake once!). Then when I moved to Oregon, it was running through the trees or wood chip trails.

I guess what I am getting at through these nostalgic memories is--I want to find that drive that I used to have for running, and use it in all aspects of my life. I put so many miles on the ground. It didn't matter if it was raining, snowing, or 100 degrees out (personally, I'd take running in the rain or snow any day over 100 degree weather). By getting back in shape, I feel it will help be regain my confidence and help me find success in all I do.

This endless game

There are really only two things that stress me out--Money and women. And women beat money out by a long shot. (Sure I get a little stressed at school, but school is more overwhelming than stressing.) 

Ah yes, dating. The one game that I can't win at. Oh, and basketball--I really suck at basketball. Maybe it's just bad luck or maybe I just have a bad attitude towards dating. I just can't seem to get anything lasting to progress.

I've never found a balance between moving too fast and moving too slow. It's been a lose-lose situation for me. When I get excited about a girl, and I can't get to know her fast enough. I want to spend a lot of time with her. I daydream and think of the possibilities of our relationship together. I just assume she feels the same way. I feel like I need to make it happen, and end up scaring her away. It's happened more than I'd like to admit, so you'd think I would have learned my lesson by now.

My fear of moving too fast led to me moving too slow. It's happened a few times. Oh, I still daydream as before--I can't help it. It's what I do, but instead of impulsively trying to make her fall for me, I just wait it out and let her make the first move. I wait too long and end up missing out. It's only worked once for me...and even then she said "It's about time!! I've been waiting for months!" 

A couple months back, I thought a girl was really into me. I'd known her for a long time, but lost touch over the years. We started talking and had some very deep conversations about what we were looking for. I played it pretty cool up until winter break. I thought it was a pretty big deal when she wanted me to come visit her on Christmas (or so I thought she wanted me to--visiting someone's family on Christmas seems kind of like a relationship thing to me). I thought it was gonna be the perfect chance to make some magic happen--I thought she was on the same page as I was. Apparently not. She would say random things that I never knew how to take. Are we together or are we just friends? Is she hinting that she's not interested? Is she seeing someone else? It was frustrating. Honestly, it was one of the most frustrating dating experiences I have ever had. It still frustrates me some--She was the kind of girl I've always looked for. I know I will get over it, but it left me feeling inadequate. It's too bad it didn't work out. We may have had something really amazing--but that's all in the past now. 

On the bright side, she made realize how important communication is in a relationship. Communication is a must. I am naive to hints. If you're not interested, you're not interested--it's a normal part of life. What's not fair is dragging someone along because you don't know what you want. I have a belief that if you are interested in someone, you know it and you should be open about it to that person.

This just doesn't go for women--men are just as bad. I know I'm not perfect. I've had plenty of fuck ups in the past. I want to keep my shortcomings in the past. I know there will be a woman that enters my life that can handle my quirkiness and love me for me. We will have a beautiful life together. Until then, my love, I will dream of thee.

Love

As many of you know, I am a hopeless romantic and a dreamer. I've always believed in chivalry, flowers, "love at first sight", and all that other crap that hopeless romantics do.

I've had this daydream for sometime now where I walk in the door and she rushes to my arms as if she hasn't seen me in years. We can't help but to smile and stare into each other's eyes as I hold her. I use my fingertips to push her hair away from her pretty face. My thumb rubs her cheek as my palm gently holds her jawline. The tips of our noses start to rub and we begin to kiss.....

In my mind it is much more vivid--too vivid for words. I can smell her perfume. I can taste her lips. I can feel her warmth and hear her heartbeat racing.

Cheesy, eh?? Well, that is my idea of romance and love. I believe that love is a mutual explosion of emotions between two people. When it happens, we will both know almost instantly. Just the thought of the person gives you goosebumps and you can't help but smile. For me--even the thought of being in love gives me goosebumps.

I want my love to long for my touch, as I will be longing for hers. I want her to dream of our future together--our wedding, our home, vacations to Europe, our children and their children. Even as we grow old, we would still go for drives in the country to find somewhere quiet to make-out just like first loves do. On our deathbeds, we would both know our love would never die.

I am not sure if I have truly been in love. I have said "I love you" to two girls in my life. I thought it was love, but looking back, I am not so sure. I've always said that I would go anywhere or do anything to make her happy. If it is true love-- then no sacrifice will be too large. I feel that when I meet her, I will just know it's who I have been waiting for.

First Day of Winter Term

Christmas break is officially over and it is back to classes. The first day of class went well. Just the usual first day things--going over the syllabus and trying to figure out what the hell the foreign instructor for hydraulic engineering is saying (not that I am judging his brilliance, but some accents are really hard to understand). I did happen to catch that Oregon State University has one of the top 3 rated hydraulic engineering programs in the country. It's pretty awesome that it is part of my program.

One nice thing that I have found about being in proschool is, for the most part, we are all in the same classes with the same people trying to accomplish the same thing. It makes it easier to meet people and create study groups. At least now I can get a few laughs when I make a smart ass comment instead of looking like the class asshole. One downfall is we still have the same few people that constantly ask redundant and dumb questions. I know, I know, there's no such thing as a stupid question, so therefore, my intuition concludes that there must be stupid people.

As an older student, I have found it hard to make new friends. I am 12 years older than most of the people in my classes--It's a bit of a generation gap. I still rock out to 90's music, while my classmates are jamming to Justin Bieber and Lil Whoever is the next one hit wonder is. There's a 20-year-old girl we nicknamed "Juicy Fruit" since she always chews fruity smelling gum and drinks Dr. Pepper all day. She's a good kid, but I am pretty sure she spends half the class jamming out to "Kid's Bop" albums on her Ipod.

That brings up my next rant. I am sure you've all seen the commercials for the "Kid's Bop" records. They take today's popular songs and have kids sing them on an album. I am not so sure if I agree with those albums--not because I think they are a bad idea, but they choose songs like "Lollypop" for them. Now, I'm not sure if all of you all have heard the "Lollypop" song, but I am pretty sure that Lil Wayne didn't mean "Shawty wanna l-l-lick it like a lollypop" as "Shawty has a sweet tooth and needs to fulfill it by eating a Tootsie Pop". Maybe I am thinking too deeply into it, but I feel Lil Wayne was using "licking a lollypop" as a metaphor for, well, you know, putting it simply and cleaner--making love to Shawty's mouth. Actually, is it even a metaphor? It's been a long time since I've had an English class, but he uses "like" in the song, so wouldn't actually be considered a simile? Hmmm. I guess I should do some research on the good ol' internet. I guess what I am saying, is that I don't believe it is appropriate for kids to listen to Lil Wayne, and definitely not appropriate for them to be singing his songs!

Alright, I am running out of rambling power. See you on the flipside!

This day

Winter break is finishing up, and classes start again on Monday. It has been a frustratingly long and lonely break for me. In my time of solitary confinement, I noticed things that I may have otherwise overlooked.

For starters, the scent of my shampoo is ocean breeze, yet, it smells like blueberries. One would assume that with a name like "Ocean breeze" that it would smell like salty seaweed and seagull droppings. That's what I anticipated when I purchased the stuff. Blueberries? Really? I'm a man. I need a scent that is manly like exhaust fumes or crude oil. I haven't tried it, but I am sure Axe makes a leather scented body spray now. Did you hear me?? Leather scented!! It sure the hell better not smell like no berries--that'd be an abomination.  

Secondly, when your primary companion is a dog, you talk to it as you would a person. Lilly and I had a wide variety of conversations in the past month. Granted, I did most of the talking, but she did occasionally answer with a bark. I am pretty sure she was just agreeing with me for the sake of argument. Oh well, it gave me someone to talk to that wouldn't judge me. Plus, I could tell her my deep, dark secrets without worrying about the skeletons falling out of the closet.

Lastly--well, to be honest with you, everything else are things I already knew--people ride their bikes on the sidewalk right next to an empty bike lane, if I where mesh shoes in the rain my feet are most likely gonna get wet, and I hate, Hate, HATE grocery shopping, especially at Winco. Not that there is anything wrong with the store itself, but seriously, something about that place makes people forget all their manners. People can be so inconsiderate. 

Anyways, that is enough randomness for one after noon. Hope you all have a great weekend!

Start of my Blog

Well, here it is 2012. I have high hopes for the year. From school to work to relationships, I feel that this could be my year.
I am not where I planned on being in life at this age. I always planned on being married with children, owning a house, and having a career that I am successful in. Alas, that is not the case. I am soon to be 33 years old, single, broke as a joke, and back in college. I am finally figuring out that I need to just be content with who I am and where I am going in life. Let things work out rather than trying to force fate to happen. Many of you have seen this already, but I chose three New Years resolutions that I hope to work on throughout the year to make me better:

1) Stop stressing and thinking into things so much! I always worry about stupid shit and take it out on people I care about. It's a bad habit that I have had as long as I can remember. I have ruined relationships and friendships because of it. I have a tendency to try to fix problems that don't exist and by doing so, I create problems. I just need to sit back and go with the flow.
2) Take care of myself by diet and exercise. I am visiting a nutritionist and have started running again. I am supposed to start lifting with a buddy soon. It is amazing how great I feel when I work out, but damn it is hard to get motivated at times.
3) Cut back on my partying. I am not sure if I party too much or not. Most of the friends I am around are in college (we all know that college is known for partying and drinking and waking up in a stranger's bed). I've decided that it is in my best interest to stop going out so much. It's not worth spending the money to feel shitty.

It takes time to change, and it will be a process. I just know I need to do something to feel successful in this life. I wish you all the best in 2012!!