There are really only two things that stress me out--Money and women. And women beat money out by a long shot. (Sure I get a little stressed at school, but school is more overwhelming than stressing.)
Ah yes, dating. The one game that I can't win at. Oh, and basketball--I really suck at basketball. Maybe it's just bad luck or maybe I just have a bad attitude towards dating. I just can't seem to get anything lasting to progress.
I've never found a balance between moving too fast and moving too slow. It's been a lose-lose situation for me. When I get excited about a girl, and I can't get to know her fast enough. I want to spend a lot of time with her. I daydream and think of the possibilities of our relationship together. I just assume she feels the same way. I feel like I need to make it happen, and end up scaring her away. It's happened more than I'd like to admit, so you'd think I would have learned my lesson by now.
My fear of moving too fast led to me moving too slow. It's happened a few times. Oh, I still daydream as before--I can't help it. It's what I do, but instead of impulsively trying to make her fall for me, I just wait it out and let her make the first move. I wait too long and end up missing out. It's only worked once for me...and even then she said "It's about time!! I've been waiting for months!"
A couple months back, I thought a girl was really into me. I'd known her for a long time, but lost touch over the years. We started talking and had some very deep conversations about what we were looking for. I played it pretty cool up until winter break. I thought it was a pretty big deal when she wanted me to come visit her on Christmas (or so I thought she wanted me to--visiting someone's family on Christmas seems kind of like a relationship thing to me). I thought it was gonna be the perfect chance to make some magic happen--I thought she was on the same page as I was. Apparently not. She would say random things that I never knew how to take. Are we together or are we just friends? Is she hinting that she's not interested? Is she seeing someone else? It was frustrating. Honestly, it was one of the most frustrating dating experiences I have ever had. It still frustrates me some--She was the kind of girl I've always looked for. I know I will get over it, but it left me feeling inadequate. It's too bad it didn't work out. We may have had something really amazing--but that's all in the past now.
On the bright side, she made realize how important communication is in a relationship. Communication is a must. I am naive to hints. If you're not interested, you're not interested--it's a normal part of life. What's not fair is dragging someone along because you don't know what you want. I have a belief that if you are interested in someone, you know it and you should be open about it to that person.
This just doesn't go for women--men are just as bad. I know I'm not perfect. I've had plenty of fuck ups in the past. I want to keep my shortcomings in the past. I know there will be a woman that enters my life that can handle my quirkiness and love me for me. We will have a beautiful life together. Until then, my love, I will dream of thee.
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