I'll Take Your Breath Away

I've had a song called Possession by Evans Blue stuck in my head the last few days. Not really the whole song, just the part with the lyrics:

                            "I would be the one to hold you down
                             Kiss you so hard
                             I'll take your breath away
                             and after, I'd wipe away the tears
                             Just close you eyes dear"

When I first heard that part of the song, I got goosebumps. It's the hopeless romantic in me. It's the sort of things I dream of when I think of love and romance. It's the sort of things I would write for my love. The lyrics may not even mean the same as I have interpreted, but I like my interpretation, so I am going to roll with it.

I can feel what the words are saying. I've felt it before...A desire to hold her. To feel the intensity of passion in her lips. A driving force that draws us together. To hold her cheeks with my hands, wiping away her tears with my thumbs. Staring into the depths of her eyes. The feeling of our souls intertwining. Not wanting to be anywhere else. Wanting her to desire every part of me, never to let go.

I think of us parting ways, only for us to run back to embrace on another. Or even her coming back and crawling into bed with me after a fight. Holding our lips together as our tears mix as they roll down our cheeks. Knowing at this moment that we are meant for one another.

I long for the passion. Like magnetism, there is need for us to be together. To feel our pulses as we lay together. To feel the warmth our skin against one another. The scent her hair emits as I run my fingers through it. To hear her whisper I love you, as we fade away to dream......

I have an itch in the middle of my back

Times come and go when I can't sleep because I have something on my mind. This is one of those times. I actually haven't had much luck sleeping lately. I just lay there night after night thinking and daydreaming (well technically, it is night dreaming rather than daydreaming since it is usually night. I can't even call it regular dreaming since I am still awake, therefore, we will just stick with night dreaming. Technical enough for you all yet? Lets just continue shall we?). What exactly am I thinking about? It varies from night to night, depending on my mood. Tonight's mood is somber. I am excited. I am frustrated. I am scared shitless. Not all in a bad way, but it's true none the less. Lately I have been thinking of people and opportunities from my past, but tonight, I am thinking of my future.

Holy shit! I am graduating from college in three months! It's a feat I deemed impossible and improbable just a few short years ago. I am excited to finally have that piece of paper. I did it. No matter how many times I have doubted myself, I have finally done it.

Over a decade ago, I was freshly out of high school, working at The Athlete's Foot and Pizza Hut while starting college at Northwest Community College in Powell, Wyoming. It's not where I wanted to be, but it was college. I had a few missed opportunities to run track and cross-country at a couple small schools. As much as I like to blame others for it--it was my own damned fault. I was too scared to leave all I have known. Regardless of my choices, I was going to Northwest as a physical therapy major. What I thought I wanted to do at the time was to be an athletic trainer at a Division I school.

In all honestly, I had no clue what I wanted. I just wanted something more than what I had. I wanted to be successful. I wanted to make a name for myself. I wanted people to adore me. There are many times still when I don't know what I want. I still long for which I do not have.

I gave up on myself many years ago. I figured it was my destiny to just work dead-end jobs while living paycheck to paycheck (granted, that is my fault for wanting to live beyond my means). I never thought I would be able to go back to school. I never thought that I could ever get a degree. And then Monaco went under. I know a lot of you have heard this story before, but it is a defining part of my life that holds great value to me. After I was laid off from Monaco, followed their bankruptcy, I was given the opportunity to go back to school. That was just a few over four years ago now.

So, once again, I repeat, "Holy shit! I am graduating from college in three months!" I have no clue what I will be doing after graduation, but I am confident a job will arise. I am taking the FE Exam in April, which is the first step in getting my professional license. I may not be the smartest engineer in the field. Hell, I may never even work as an engineer. No matter what happens to me in the future, I did it. I will have my degree, and no one can take that accomplishment away from me.