I have an itch in the middle of my back

Times come and go when I can't sleep because I have something on my mind. This is one of those times. I actually haven't had much luck sleeping lately. I just lay there night after night thinking and daydreaming (well technically, it is night dreaming rather than daydreaming since it is usually night. I can't even call it regular dreaming since I am still awake, therefore, we will just stick with night dreaming. Technical enough for you all yet? Lets just continue shall we?). What exactly am I thinking about? It varies from night to night, depending on my mood. Tonight's mood is somber. I am excited. I am frustrated. I am scared shitless. Not all in a bad way, but it's true none the less. Lately I have been thinking of people and opportunities from my past, but tonight, I am thinking of my future.

Holy shit! I am graduating from college in three months! It's a feat I deemed impossible and improbable just a few short years ago. I am excited to finally have that piece of paper. I did it. No matter how many times I have doubted myself, I have finally done it.

Over a decade ago, I was freshly out of high school, working at The Athlete's Foot and Pizza Hut while starting college at Northwest Community College in Powell, Wyoming. It's not where I wanted to be, but it was college. I had a few missed opportunities to run track and cross-country at a couple small schools. As much as I like to blame others for it--it was my own damned fault. I was too scared to leave all I have known. Regardless of my choices, I was going to Northwest as a physical therapy major. What I thought I wanted to do at the time was to be an athletic trainer at a Division I school.

In all honestly, I had no clue what I wanted. I just wanted something more than what I had. I wanted to be successful. I wanted to make a name for myself. I wanted people to adore me. There are many times still when I don't know what I want. I still long for which I do not have.

I gave up on myself many years ago. I figured it was my destiny to just work dead-end jobs while living paycheck to paycheck (granted, that is my fault for wanting to live beyond my means). I never thought I would be able to go back to school. I never thought that I could ever get a degree. And then Monaco went under. I know a lot of you have heard this story before, but it is a defining part of my life that holds great value to me. After I was laid off from Monaco, followed their bankruptcy, I was given the opportunity to go back to school. That was just a few over four years ago now.

So, once again, I repeat, "Holy shit! I am graduating from college in three months!" I have no clue what I will be doing after graduation, but I am confident a job will arise. I am taking the FE Exam in April, which is the first step in getting my professional license. I may not be the smartest engineer in the field. Hell, I may never even work as an engineer. No matter what happens to me in the future, I did it. I will have my degree, and no one can take that accomplishment away from me.