Thanks For The Mess

Winter term is over and spring is in the air (with the exception of the 5 inches of snow we received a few days ago). Spring break has officially begun. I have this whole big house to myself (wait, that's not entirely true--I have Lilly the bulldog to keep me company), and nothing to do..........

"Nothing to do", I say??? After a quick glance to the previous paragraph, I do believe I said "nothing to do." Well, I could go for a jog. Or for a drive to Bend, Eugene, or the coast. But alas, I am not going anywhere until this house is CLEAN! 

There are a lot things that I enjoy about my roommates, and there are other things that I loathe. I hate, hate, hate cleaning up after people. Everyone has their weird little quirks. One of mine is that I can't stand dirty dishes and half eaten food laying around the house, or when the sink is full of dirty dishes and scrap food. We clearly do NOT have a garbage disposal, so why would anyone throw their apple core or pizza crusts into the sink? Do we have an apple core eating alligator living in our sink or something?? I have yet to figure it out myself. I just thought it was common sense to throw shit into the garbage. I am amazed that the ones who make the largest messes at our house are the ones that clean the least. 

It's one thing when we all make a mess together. It is OUR mess, and I am more than willing to clean up after that. What really gets me though, is the separating orange and yellow mess sitting in the blender on the kitchen counter, and the shit ton of dishes. I thought about just leaving them until everyone gets home, but I am too OCD for that. 

The other main quirk that I have, is garbage. It drives me nuts when there is garbage laying on the table or on the floor or in the living room or the half eaten can of pineapple on the coffee table. The garbage in our kitchen is clearly full, so I am going to just set my garbage on top of everything else. Don't worry y'all, Mike or Josh will take the garbage out when they finally get annoyed enough. Wait??--Is there no room on top of the garbage for more of MY garbage?? I guess I will just throw it in the recycling or on the floor. And don't even get me started on the vileness of our bathroom garbage. I will refrain from those stories to prevent any severe embarrassment. 

I guess what I am getting at, my roommates are great, but Goddamn, have some common courtesy and clean up after yourselves. 

Missed Connections

So, I was checking out the "Missed Connections" tab on Craigslist the other day. Some of them are pretty strange--I wonder how many people actually respond to those ads. Either it is true desperation to find someone in their past or maybe they really did miss a chance encounter with someone. After reading them, it got me thinking of some potentially inappropriate yet funny (funny to me that is) ads to post on CL.....

"Hot girl in the pharmacy" m4w, OSU

I saw you in the school pharmacy on Tuesday. You looked cute sitting there shaking your foot anxiously while waiting for your Plan B pills. I like a girl who has her priorities straight. We should hang out sometime.


"Transgender Barista at Corpus Coffee" m4t, Portland

I've never done this before, and you will probably never see this, but I couldn't help but check you out. The only thing hotter than the coffee was the chick with the dick. Start a fetish together?


"Jake from a few years past" w4m, Boise

You've probably forgotten me by now, but we met at Rob's Tavern a in June, 2009. After a night of drunken love making, you left without saying good-bye. I should have told you sooner, but I am pretty sure my son is yours--actually both my sons. I had twins. By my calculations, you owe me 3 years worth of child support and doctor costs. Oh, and I have herpes. You may want to get yourself checked out.


"To the driver of a white Honda Civic" w4wm, Costco

You left your lights on.


"I luv U!" w4m, Corvallis

My lil thug, U r da best bf a gurl culd ask 4. I luv u more den my pappy. U r my daddy now. Spanxy


Sooo, if you have made it to this point of my post, I have no pity on you. You should have had the sense to stop reading this before it got this far. Okay, none of those are real, but essentially the kind of crap shoot ads you will find on CL. You should check them out--it will make your lives feel a little less crazy!