I know you all have been waiting for me to write something crude and vile. I was considering writing about how my testicles look like two adolescent hamsters snuggled up in a nest of dark curly warmth or how a vagina looks like the leftover rubber from a popped balloon. Alas, I decided to go with another topic that I am sure you all will enjoy. It may start off a little crude, but I assure you I have a point to all this. Fuck, It's like my blog is turning into a P.S.A. or one of those lessons from the old G.I. Joe cartoons.
So, without much ado, here's the slightly more disgusting sibling of the muffin-top.....the front butt and friends. For those of you who don't know what a front butt is, it's when a person gets a roll of fat at the bottom of their bellies, that, when tucked into their pants, resembles a second ass on the front of them. I know you all are thinking "Wow Mike! That's two asses for the price of one! That's a great deal for an ass-man like yourself." Well my friends, that is certainly not the case. The title may have been a little misleading. Front butts do drive me nuts--just not in the wolf howling at Jessica Rabbit kind of way. It's more of a "holy shit!" kind of way. I have never really understood how someone goes about getting a front butt, or for that matter--even become morbidly obese. It can't be for high self-esteem. (Well, maybe in some Maury Povich kind of cases).
The front butt runs with a pretty unfortunate crowd-- the awkward, the humpback, the beak nose, and who can forget the twins, acne and backne. I see people people all over the place that make me think to myself "damn, that is one homely and unfortunate looking person." There is a girl in many of my classes that surely fits into this category. She is not much to look at, and she has this shrill, whiny voice that almost always makes me cringe. She occasionally awkwardly tries to talk to me and others in the class. She's the butt of many inside jokes (admittedly, some of my own). She is basically the oddball out in our class. I feel bad for her.
This is where I start getting to my point. There have been times when I feel awful for something I have thought about someone. I look at some people and see them for their physical discrepancies. I see their insecurities and awkwardness. BUT, does it make them any less human? Are they any less successful? Does it make them any less capable of finding and being in love? There are a lot of good people out there that people just can't see for who they really are. There is more than a body to a person. I've always said I treat everyone with respect and kindness, but do I really? I need to check myself out. I have plenty of issues. I am awkward. I have plenty of insecurities--my finger, my toe, my grey hair, the way I walk, etc. Do I want people to judge me for those things? No I don't. Nor should I judge others for theirs. I should strive to be a better person. I should view everyone as equals. I want to do my best to stop noticing people's flaws and start noticing their strengths. Treat people as you want to be treated.
The zoologist and ethologist, Desmond Morris (author of "The Naked Ape") theorizes that cleavage is a sexual signal that imitates the image of the cleft between the buttocks, which is also unique to humans, other primates as a rule having much flatter buttocks. He goes on to write that the male affinity for cleavage and red lips is actually his desire for her backside. He is turned on by an act in which he would see her ass-crack, and red... well, lips.
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