Spiritually Speaking

There are special moments in my life where I feel overly content and at peace with the world--at peace with myself. Even if these moments only last a few minutes, they put life into a different light that would have otherwise been missed. I am not really sure how to explain these moments. They are somewhere between awe and humbleness. They may seem simple, but moments like this have a significant place in my memory.

I remember as a kid, going to the cabin every summer with Granddad and Grandma. It was and is one of my favorite places in the world. As I grew older, I started seeing the larger parts to life than just school and playing. There would be work and mortgages and car payments and so on. I noticed how other people's lifestyles differed from my own. I started to ponder how the world was. 

Okay, back to the cabin. There is this large rock in the Clark's Fork River down the path directly behind Doc's cabin next door. It was just a few feet into the water, and was large enough for me to sit on. I sat there thinking and listening to the water rush around me. I watched the water swirl behind the rock catching a leaf to spin around only to spit it back out into the current. My only company was the occasional trout jumping to catch a bug on the water. I was at peace. My mind was clear. It was only me and nature. It was almost like I was on a native vision quest. God sent me there to see the world in a different light. I sat there for a half-hour or so, when I heard Grandma Neeley yell it was time for dinner. I left my rock.

I was an avid runner back in high school and through my first few years after graduation. I would run miles upon miles. I loved to run. Surprisingly, when I moved to Oregon, and Eugene aka "Track Town USA", I lost my drive to run. 

It wasn't long after I had moved to Oregon. It was raining pretty hard that day. I had always loved to run in the rain. There is something cool and refreshing about it. We lived on 30th and Willamette which wasn't far from Amazon Park, so I went for an early morning run on the wood chip paths there. I ran around the park for few miles, and then to the 18th street Starbucks where my friend Ryan worked. I hung out there for a few minutes chatting with him and a girl named Lisa before heading back to the apartment. It was still fairly dark out and I was soaked when I arrived home. I sat in the stairwell to stretch and catch my breath. At that moment, I felt at peace. I was still having a hard time getting over my ex-girlfriend and mending my broken heart. I was scared shitless of being in a new city and not knowing anyone or where anything was. But, for that short time, I was able to clear my mind. I sat there humbled, and I knew everything would be alright. I even said a prayer thanking God for that moment. 

I have had other moments like that I could ramble over-- Anywhere from sitting at the ocean, going for a drive in the country, laying on my back watching the stars or some clouds pass, and at church. There were points when I was going to church at the Faith Center in Eugene, where I could sense God. Like he had a hand on me. Honestly, there are a lot of times where I blame God for my own short comings. It has been a tense relationship at times, and we didn't speak for quite a while. I've built myself up many times to get knocked back down. Maybe it was God calling me out and needing to knock me down a peg, but most likely it was just me sabotaging myself. Who knows. What I do know, is I want to feel his hand on me again. I want to feel at peace with the world.