School is kicking my ass this term. I have no clue what is going on in two of my classes. All I have gotten from my hydrology class is a notepad full of scribbles, and how to say "I show you, Guys." and " I erase now" with a Peruvian accent. My soil mechanic's class is a load of complex equations with a dozen variables about dirt. Who could have guessed that dirt could be so complex. I hate dirt so much now, that I am considering volunteering to live in space. But on the bright side, at least I get to work with a couple pretty girls on a few of the four projects I have going on.
I've been trying to figure out what the hell I am going to do this summer for work. The internships I was trying to get were cancelled due to budget cuts. It's looking like I will be working on the oil rigs in Wyoming again this summer. It's good money at least...Fuck, maybe I can finally get my Jeep paid off. I do miss the Oregon summers, though. Summers are amazing here, but people here are driving me nuts at the moment. Little stupid shit is getting on my nerves, lately. It makes me want to scream "Will you shut the fuck up!!" Slight tangent from thought there.....Anyways, at least it will be nice spending time with the family. I know Dad has a bunch of projects he wants done. I am more than glad to help out.
I have a shit ton of things on my mind. I try to sleep and all I can do is think about things. What am I doing?? Where am I gonna be when I graduate?? Will I even have a job?? Should I keep pursuing her....or her...or who ever is next in line??? I thought I had something going on with an old friend, but apparently I was mistaken. That seems to be a common trend at the moment. Reconnect with old friends, think we have a romantic connection, and then, it goes no where or they find someone new. I am fucking tired of putting out an effort when no effort is given in return. I am tired of wasting my time. I'm tired of people coming into my life and just to disappear over night. Jesus Christ, if you're not into me, just fucking tell me. I don't like this getting led-on bullshit. I've never been one to leave well-enough alone, so I'm sure I'll go trying to make something out of nothing. I'm always trying to turn shit into gold.
I guess the hardest thing for me is missing the closeness to being in a relationship. I miss having someone who is there for me when I've had a bad day. I miss someone who wants to spend her time with me. I miss hearing "I love you". It's almost like I'm missing something that isn't there....I am constantly longing for love. It consumes my thoughts, my dreams, my words....it consumes me.
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